America’s faux-polite neighbors to the north are clutching their pearls and fainting onto their poutine over President Trump’s executive order officially changing the name of Lake Ontario to Lake America.
Our expert on Canadian culture, Gord Duffy tells America’s Number 1 Source of Newstainment, the GWU! that the wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Great White North is delicious as it is fake. Via a long-distance call over Microsoft Teams, he laughs that Canadian far-left Prime Minister Mark Carney is “suddenly a history professor, lecturing the world on etymology and the sanctity of names. Give me a break.”
“Carney whined on and on about the history of Lake Ontario on the Canadian state-funded media. He further sniffed that the name is over 400 years old, predating both Canada and the U.S. Declaration of Independence with the convenient solemnity of a dying man suddenly finding Jesus.”
Duffy laughs at the very idea that the “globalist banker and Jeffrey Epstein-adjacent technocrat is now suddenly the guardian of historical legacy and indigenous heritage.”
He explains that Carney, along with the majority of Canada’s ruling leftist political and media establishment, have been publicly rewriting history for the past decade.
“Renaming streets, schools and parks, boxing up statues and literally whitewashing history.”
Spare us the maple-syrup-soaked tears
“It’s not just the Prime Minister who has been doing this. This clown was only selected a year ago. The entire country has been going through a decade-long struggle session, self-flagulating the very idea of Canada as a country. Current beard of Katy Perry and former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau famously once said that Canada had ‘no core identity’ and was a ‘post-national state’.”
Duffy finds it ironic that the nation’s establishment and indeed everyday Canadians now suddenly care about historical reality.
Canadian History X
@thegwunews What do Canadians think of Trump renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America? The GWU’s Casey Riley reports. Part 2 Lakeamerica lakeontario trump
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Join the GWU! as we take a look through the Polka-Dot Door (some sort of Canadian TV show reference, I think—ed) at some of Canada’s most famous social justice virtue signaling historical transitions.
Ryerson University (Toronto, ON) → Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU): Renamed in 2022 to distance the institution from Egerton Ryerson, an architect of Canada’s residential school system, who died before his ideas were modified and put in place with the best of intentions.
Yonge-Dundas Square (Toronto, ON) → Sankofa Square: Toronto City Council voted to rename the square in 2023—along with the Dundas subway station and Jane-Dundas Library—due to Henry Dundas’ historical role in delaying the abolition of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Fun fact: Dundas wanted slavery to end immediately but was forced to compromise for its gradual end in order to have his bill pass at all.
Cornwallis Street (Halifax, NS) → Nora Bernard Street: Renamed in 2023 to remove the commemoration of Edward Cornwallis, a colonial governor who issued a 1749 bounty on Mi’kmaw scalps. The street now honours the late Nora Bernard, a prominent Mi’kmaw activist and residential school survivor. Paying out ten guineas per Indian scalp, not cool, but hey, history is sometimes violent and pretending it never happened just ensures it could happen again.
Trutch Street (British Columbia) → Su’it Street, Point Avenue and Musqueamview Street: Multiple cities renamed streets commemorating Joseph Trutch, BC’s first lieutenant-governor, who enacted racist policies that kicked First Nations out of their lands, ignoring treaties or breaking existing ones altogether. Thanks to this douchebag, nearly half of British Columbia is now being claimed by various Indigenous bands. So erase him? Nah, dox this fool!
The Sir John A. Macdonald Parkway (Ottawa, Ontario) → Kichi Zībī Mīkan: The city’s main highway was officially renamed to Kichi Zībī Mīkan in 2023 to the delight of the woke grifter lawyers to Indigenous Chiefs and the dismay of tongue-tied traffic reporters.
An F in history, Eh?
“The truth is, Canada has been training its citizens to hate themselves for years, but now that Trump is doing it with a sharpie, history and facts suddenly matter,” lectures Murphy.
He tells the GWU that Canadians are “the fakest and gayest people on the planet. They want so desperately to go out of their way to not offend anyone, or hurt their feelings that they will rewrite the past in order to avoid confrontation. This is a country that renames men as women, replaces themselves with millions of Indians and has substituted Muslim values as Canadian values.”
Murphy says a weak national spirit and lack of shared history have now made Trump’s bold declaration of Lake America possible.
“The only special interest group Canadian’s won’t rewrite history for is the US. Let’s face it, they define their goodness not being American and pretending that the past was icky, but now they’re the moral authority of the world. That’s the history of Canada in a nutshell.”
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