Letter to the Editor
Dear Karen and Kevin,
The recent wins by Trump in the Iowa caucuses and New Hampshire has me and my husband (trans/gay/BIPOC couple here) worried about OUR DEMOCRACY.
We are seriously considering moving to Canada if Trump somehow manages to eke out a win over Biden. I understand that there are plenty of Hollywood celebrities and Liberal elites who will also be moving north if this vile insurrectionist wins. We love America, but can’t fathom another four years of the Orange Man leading the USA. So what I’m asking is, basically, what are some fun things to do in Canada?
Signed, Move And Get Away in Oregon
Dear MAGA,
Kevin: The results in Iowa and the frightening landslide in New Hampshire are very scary indeed. Trusted news personality Rachel Maddow (she/her) assures us that a Trump (he/him) presidency would mean four years of dictatorship. In she/her’s New York Times best-selling book Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism she/her foretells of journalists being arrested for asking questions, innocent civilians having their bank accounts frozen, and even a full-scale censorship of social media. It will be a literal upside down world! In fact, Trump plans to hire people on merit rather than the color of their skin. People like former Harvard president Claudine Gay would have never been employed. Could you imagine?
On a personal note, I reacted to the Trump victories, as most progressive liberals did, by falling on the floor and going into convulsions, while Karen vomited on our IKEA rug. As our amazing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says, refugees are always welcome in Canada, but let’s hope for another Biden term!
Karen: I totally understand your desire to move to a free and progressive country like Canada. We welcome more than one million people a year, despite not being able to provide them with necessities like food, housing, and jobs. But none of that should matter when you’re fleeing a country full of misinformation led by a former game show host turned evil orange tyrant.
Sadly, Kevin and I were diagnosed with TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) after the Jan. 6 Insurrection. Like millions of your fellow citizens who aren’t right wing extremists we suffer just hearing his name. Although there is presently no cure, thanks to Canada’s free health care system we qualify for medical marijuana and, if deemed necessary by our doctor, Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID).
Overall, both July and August are lovely for camping and outdoor activities, but for the rest of the year you’ll find yourself basically quarantined inside watching government-sponsored programming. Be seeing you!!!
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