For many, America winning the coveted gold medal in Olympic ice hockey was a lifelong dream come true. After all, it had been nearly half a century since the fearless patriots skated past the Russian commies in Lake Placid to win gold. This time, they had to elbow up through another red army, Canada.
“My fiancée and I woke up early on Sunday morning to watch the game,” Brittany, a 33-year-old nurse in Denver, tells the GWU! over MicroSoft Teams. “It was a real nailbiter seeing our boys battle the 51st State,” she says with palatable excitement.
She goes on to tell the GWU! her beau, Ken, was cooking up avocado and toast as toothless hockey hero Jack Hughes netted the game-winner in overtime. “We were over the moon! Screaming. Crying. Just proud to be American.”
But that all changed a few hours later when Ken watched CNN in horror as sleepy-eyed FBI director Kash Patel ‘weasled’ into the men’s locker room and was slugging beers with the boys, while Supreme Leader Donald Trump was on speaker phone congratulating the team.
“Trump and Patel infiltrated the dressing room like it was an Iranian hookah parlor,” one GWU! user commented on Reddit.
“Ken was furious,” reflects Brittany. “He couldn’t believe our hockey warriors would let those guys near them.”
You Deserve a Breakaway!
The now viral video became famous when Trump made an off-color joke about the women’s hockey team, who had won gold a few days earlier. Ken, a left-wing extremist and diagnosed TDS sufferer, was disgusted with the way amateur comedian Trump degraded the women’s team, Brittany recalls.
A day later, the men’s team was given an MAGA-style welcome when they arrived back in the “greatest country in the world.” Videos of the hockey players partying at strip clubs in Miami, eating McDonald’s combo meals in the Oval Office, and finally being praised by President Trump during the State of the Union, including awarding the US goalie, Connor Hellebuyck, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian honor in the United States, were all over the Socials. While the team gained support from the Trump faithful, they lost support from the mainstream media and diehard fans like Ken.
“The men’s ice hockey team was no longer America’s team; they were MAGA’s team,” explains Dr. Webster Pratt, a they/them relationship therapist who studied under the tutelage of podcaster Brené Brown.
“I still supported them,” says Brittany. “The Olympics aren’t about politics; it’s about national pride.”
Ken, however, didn’t feel the same way, telling his partner of seven years that if she supported MAGA, he couldn’t support her. “He called off the engagement minutes after the State of the Union address,” she says with misty eyes. “I can’t believe I wasted seven years of my life on that manbaby.”
Miracle on Ice Part 2: Posers get Hosed
Brittany isn’t alone, Dr. Pratt tells the GWU! from his Yahoo! email account. He says that more and more relationships are ending as registered Democratic men are dumping their Republican girlfriends who support Supreme Leader Donald Trump.
“This is a fascinating case of ‘political homophily’ colliding with ‘performative rupture,'” Dr. Pratt explained. “For many in the progressive dating pool, a partner’s support for an institution like MAGA or a specific cultural moment—like laughing at the hockey joke—becomes a heuristic for moral alignment.”
When asked if there was hope for these newly single conservatives, Dr. Pratt offered a pragmatic solution. “They need to date within the fold. There is a vast ecosystem of young men in finance, law, and oil and gas who spent Sunday watching that hockey game and thought the phone call was hilarious.”
Back in Denver, Brittany is trying to stay optimistic. “I guess it’s for the best,” she sighed, scrolling through Bumble. “I was tired of getting cross-checked by insane leftist ideology, like men can be women, and women’s hockey is just as good as men’s. Maybe I’ll find a guy who wants to watch the replay of the State of the Union and can listen to Trump without crying.”
