America’s Number Source of Newstainment, GWU!’s commitment to hard-hitting journalism has never been stronger. That’s why we’ve partnered with America’s Last Laugh, Flip City Magazine, to bring you this special joint exposé on the clandestine activities of THE SUPER-ENEMIES OF HUMANITY!!!
Prepare for our very own Media Monkey and Flip City artist David MacDowell to unmask a menacing to mankind rogues’ gallery featuring; Greta Thunberg, Dr. Tony Fauci, Taylor Swift, Michael Moore, Dolly Parton, Elon Musk and more!“
SON OF ZE BUGMAN
ORIGIN STORY: The new leader of the WEF (World Evil Forum) Zeter Brabackletmego is the youngest trans-humanist to ever take on the role of enslaving mankind over boring meetings and overpriced buffet lunches in Switzerland. At a spry 80, he replaced German economist Klaus Slob who as reported by theGWU.net, was removed after overbilling for asian massages. His cyborg black-eyed successor pledges to fulfill Slob’s dream of global equity for all humans by making them all “eat ze bugs” washed down with pricey premium bottled water.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: As a transhuman with a faulty mechanical eye, Brabackletmego has a nearly unlimited lifespan but is vulnerable to mass public dissent, which he is currently attempting to quell by trapping citizens in “fifteen-minute cities”.
BIG AGRA & SKINNY TAYLOR SMURFT
ORIGIN STORY: This set of twins separated at birth grew up with totally different yet very similar lives. While fatty Agra became a literal meat puppet for corporate food, her slender twin went to work for the CIA, spreading government propaganda through the entertainment industrial complex.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: A binge and purge power duo, Agra and Taylor have the ability to sway popular opinions on food, culture, and how some chicks have four butts while some have none. While the psyop being pushed by these two attention whores is highly effective, they do have two weaknesses: healthy eating and exercise, and some baseline of taste in music that isn’t shitty.
MAJOR MICROPLASTIC
ORIGIN STORY: After consuming one too many Whoppers infused with microplastics, US Navy Major Michael Malleable was forced to undergo an emergency experimental medical procedure that went awry. Government scientists, hoping to create the world’s first plastic super-sailor, instead turned Malleable into a disgusting, hulking mass of microplastics.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Ability to change shape and take on any plastic form, such as Madonna or Kim Kardassian. On the run from the military, Malleable has become the unwitting tool of the military industrial complex. Little does he know that the vast mass of microplastics he dumps in the ocean could reverse his hideous mutation if he learned the true meaning of recycling from his archnemesis RFK Jr.
EV-L
ORIGIN STORY: When a high-tech experimental electric car driven by a woke leftist was hit by lightning, it became possessed by the soul of the charred remains of its insane driver.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Imbued with slightly below average human intelligence, the car’s ultra woke tendencies find it obsessed with decreasing the human population by driving its unwitting occupants into large bodies of water. Weaknesses include driving more than 300 miles on a single charge, a lack of big government subsidies, and the winter.
THE TRANSINATOR
ORIGIN STORY: To turn the Complex of Chaos that unites these evil doers into a more diverse and inclusive working environment, the League of Evil groomed an ordinary elementary school teacher into a hateful, divisive creature by repeatedly dropping a Pride flag pole on her head. This senseless act of violence and blunt head trauma spurred this now they/them dress-wearing youth educator to unlearn they/their past world view and embrace radical gender ideology.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: With the ability and proximity to mold and steer innocent young minds towards embracing victim mentality and race communism, the Transinator’s only known weakness is homeschooling.
Vaxinator
ORIGIN STORY: When beautiful California model Toni Fancy was hired to be the public face for the state’s M-pox vaccine campaign, she was thrilled. But her excitement soon turned to terror when she was diagnosed with vaccine-induced AIDS! Resigned to her fate, she was offered a Faustian trade by the very people who infected her … help vaccinate more unsuspecting victims in exchange for the cure to her illness!
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Using her feminine guile and several pounds of makeup to hide her hideous puss-filled open sores, Fancy can appear on up to 10 media spots per day, extolling the safety and efficacy of the M-pox vaccine. Vaxinators’ weakness to propagandizing hearts and minds: free and open debate and critical thinking.
SEEDY OILMAN
ORIGIN STORY: Poisoned by the plethora of seed oils in processed food from a young age, and blocking up his arteries routinely with generous helpings of foods deep-fried in safflower, canola and corn fats (leading to multiple cardiac events), Seedy Oilman eventually clogged up his third eye so badly that all he could see was his twisted perspective on food and his dream to make others feel his pain, one delicious golden french fry at a time.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Oilman is at full superhuman strength when he consumes any food cooked in seed oils. Virtually any raw vegetable or fruit (especially broccoli), can
neutralize this monster instantly.
Greta The Terrible
ORIGIN STORY: SMASH! BAM! POW! These were just some of the words in no way associated with diminutive and ineffectual climate activist Gretta Nerdburger. Until she was hit by lightning! Struck directly in the head the tiny Swede was imbued with the power of psychic influence over the naive (the young) and the stupid (politicians).
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Able to occupy swampy areas for extended periods before prearranged photo shoots of her arrest Greta’s weakness is climate science that isn’t science fiction.
FLUORIDE FOOLER
ORIGIN STORY: While goofing around at his New York City water works janitorial job, Gus Burlone slipped and fell into a giant vat of fluoride. Half- dead and badly burned by the deadly mind-altering chemical posing as a harmless oral health additive, Burlone’s face became frozen in a sterile smile… of vengeance.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Having an uncanny ability to distract others with his jokes and unscientific praise of the benefits of fluoride, Burlone easily sneaks fluoride into people’s drinks and municipal water supplies. His weaknesses include hard food for his “perfect white teeth”, extremely brittle bones and early-onset dementia. Due to powerful magical incantations (aka public health policy,)
he is physically unable to enter Europe.
CNN SIGNALS
ORIGIN STORY: When invisible wireless TV broadcast waves from 2016 bounced from outer space back to Earth, something strange happened to them. Still containing their anti-Trump essence, they became cosmically altered with the uncanny ability to modify all forms of communication to express a left-wing bias.
STRENGTH / WEAKNESS: Signals are able to digitally permeate and mutate television,
radio and internet transmissions, and have the power to brainwash the public into believing the impossible, e.g., Kamala Harris was a 2024 election shoo-in, combustion engines are evil and men can be women. The only known way to block CNN signals is fearless and favorless satire as found in Flip City Magazine and alternative media containing high levels of the rare internet element GWU!
